“First best is falling in love. Second best is being in love. Least best is falling out of love. But any of it is better than never having been in love.”
Have you ever had your heart broken to the point where you barely want to function? I’m talking about the type of pain and emotional anguish that makes you question whether you can go on with life. This type of pain stems from opening yourself up to another, only to be greeted with unrequited love at some point in the relationship.
When your heart has been broken, you go through a series of emotions: Denial, pain, rejection, acceptance and the immediate construction of a “Do Not Enter” barrier around your heart are all fairly common. It’s pretty easy to hop on the “Screw love” bandwagon. But no matter how much you try, you cannot experience real love without the risk of heartbreak and disappointment.
There’s no simple syrup one can drink to mend a broken heart. As much as we’d like to be able to return our hearts to their senders for new ones, we can’t. Life doesn’t work that way, and honestly, broken hearts that are willing to heal ultimately give the best love once they have.
But how does one heal? How do you get yourself ready to receive—hell, even desire—to love again? While it’s not easy to get ready for love one more time, it is very possible. Here are a few tips on how to prepare for that warm fuzzy feeling again.
1. Allow yourself to feel EVERYTHING, then let it go.
One of the worst mistakes people can make is ignoring how they feel. The world tells us to be strong in order to protect ourselves, but that does us absolutely no good if we aren’t being honest about how an experience has affected us. Those who claim to be “heartless” or “tough as nails” are the most vulnerable. I know, because I used to be that way. I took pride in no one ever being able to say they saw me cry. I thought that being the stoic one, even in love, was good for the relationship because “someone had to keep it together.”
True, nothing gets done if everyone is falling apart, but being beautifully human–emotions and all–is nothing to be ashamed of. Allow yourself to feel everything from your past that still affects you, then work to let it go. The only way to get through a situation is to process how you feel and navigate the emotion through exploration. The tough part about the healing process is that it cannot be rushed.
There will be moments when you may feel like you are healed, but you might not be. Be patient with yourself. Understand and reflect on your role in the situation, and remind yourself that it does not define you. A failed relationship does not equal a failed human being.
2. Figure out what you are looking for.
Once you’ve let go of most of the pain from past relationships, it’s best to figure out what you are looking for in a romantic partner. Make a list of characteristics, moral principles and foundational attributes you’d like in a mate, but keep in mind that there’s no one on this earth who will be just what you want.
The best way to figure out what you desire in someone is to be realistic about what you can and cannot handle. Can you date someone with children? What about someone without a college degree? Understand that although nobody is perfect, there will be someone who is perfect for you. Have a plan, but be willing to deviate and be open to potential prospects who might not exactly fit the mold.
Be willing to give what you require, and rest on the fact that what you offer will be enough for the right person.
3. Know your worth, and believe it will happen.
Preparing your heart for love again is, in fact, speaking life into a broken vessel.
Some people are so damaged that they do not consider themselves to be worth the trouble. They view their flaws as inconveniences, so they continue to invite superficial connections into their spirits. The one who understands that no one is meant to be alone on this Earth will know the power of speaking all things into existence.
The key to getting what you want in life is believing that you are worthy. Speak the words, “I want love,” “I am worthy of love,” and “I am willing to give love.” If you do not wish to vocalize your request, write it down or think it in your head. Our thoughts are our reality, and the way we perceive our worth will undoubtedly manifest itself in the physical realm. In order for anyone to love you properly, you must deem yourself worthy of such a thing.